“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” pretty much sums up the paycheck-to-paycheck game—Mr. Deeds one day, Joe Dirt the next. Whether you’re packing bank or breaking open the piggy, one thing’s for sure—worker’s comp isn’t going to cover that hole burning in your pocket. Since you’re living in an overpriced apartment and not the Third World, why not cure your economic depression with a full belly and juiced liver? From decadent to depreciated, consider this tale of two incomes anything but subprime.
Big Spender
For those about to rock out with their stocks out (and financially throw caution to the wind), we salute you. Give your secretary a real assignment—booking you a table with the global moguls at Trump Plaza’s Jean Georges. And while you’re at it, why not invite your high-rolling crew along? Make a scene among the stiffs by feeding each other caviar and peekytoe crab, and drinking that expensive Pinot right from the bottle. Nothing says new money like complete disregard for etiquette. Wine flip cup, anyone?
Sure, there’s an excess of places to go once you’ve worn out your welcome (the Beatrice Inn and Marquee come to mind), but we suggest hightailing it over to Tenjune or Cain, where your aggro attitude will most likely be appreciated, not to mention reciprocated. A couple of Benny Franks will get you past the surly doorman, and then the real wallet rape begins—bottle service—so you can rub elbows with other celebrity hangers-on. Just remember—it’s the real estate you’re paying for. Hundred dollar bills, ya’ll!
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Bottom Of The Barrel
Back to life, back to reality…but even if you get paid freelance wages, your broke ass can still have a swingin’ time, provided you know where to go. Thanks to dignified institutions such as
Rudy’s Bar and Grill and
Lost and Found, you don’t have to choose between a round-trip subway fare and a pint of something undrinkable. Famished? Stuff yourself with free weiners and keep on keeping on!
Once you’ve laid down the foundation for a night of hardcore boozing, it’s time to stretch happy hour for all it’s worth. Live uptown? Shuffle those aching dogs past all those high falutin’ wine bars and hit up a true den of iniquity,
Yogi’s. Pitchers are six to seven dollars, and ogling the scantily-clad bartender (or other colorful characters at the bar) won’t cost you a dime. Or stumble downtown to
Doc Holliday’s for 2-for-1 drinks until 8pm every day. PBRs are usually $2, so do the math. You may find yourself singing along to “There’s A Tear In My Beer,” but at least you’ll be getting a buzz off your laundry quarters.
Coming Soon (To Drain Your Wallet)
Get ready to douse yourself in a flambé frenzy at
Cognac [1740 Broadway (7th & 8th Aves.) No Phone Yet], a French brasserie where not only a cocktail bar will tempt your refined taste, but a cheese bar, too. And in classic monsieur form, there's a fireplace to keep you nice and toasty. Need a little more action than that? The Slope will soon be host to
Tony’s Public House [686 21st St. (@ 5th Ave.) 718.788.1186] where you can OD on pizza, beer, and quality time with your bros.
~Courtney Stoutamire
